Marriage Advice from Around the Water Cooler (and a Contest!)

Posted on October 13, 2011 by Apologia

I recently got married to a wonderful young lady. About a month prior, I shot a note to the Apologia staff and asked for their best marriage advice. Here's some of what they had to say. Oh! almost forgot. Be sure to read to the end to find out about a contest!

  1. Remember Your Courtship: Never forget why you fell in love with her
  2. Overlook Where You CanUnless it directly contradicts God, being right isn't as important as being happy
  3. Be Willing to Listen and Speak Humbly: Okay, I would say that the key to marriage is communication and being willing to walk both ways down the two way street.
  4. Share God's Perspective on Your Marriage: Read the book, When Sinners Say I Do. The very first chapter is always a thorn in my side. "The state of my marriage is a direct reflection of my theology!" Wow, just go ahead and cattle prod me some more!
  5. Be Slow to Speak, Especially When Disagreeing: Learn when to keep your mouth shut. You will have fights, but you need to bridle your tongue in these instances. Don't just say the first clever, hurtful thing that pops into your head. The words can never be unsaid.
  6. Anger Doesn't Last a Day Between You: "Do not let the sun go down on your anger".  I know that you could not possibly imagine being angry with one another, but it does happen and one of the best Biblical rules that we set forth from the start of our marriage was not to go to sleep mad with one another…..even if it takes working it out all night. Have we been perfect at it…no, but when we have kept to this mandate from scripture, it has more than served and blessed us and even been an example to our children.
  7. Think About What's Best for the Marriage: I would also suggest that in all your dealings with each other, either you both win, or you both lose. Don't ever think that you can unilaterally win a disagreement. It's a zero-sum game all right, but it's all or nothing for The Marriage - not to one of you as against the other. I've seen too many steering their boat onto the rocks because they just want the last word, the closing argument, the crushing retort, the final decision. How can two parts of one whole be in competition against each other? Don't think in terms of winning and losing v. one another — "If she gets her way, then I don't get mine, and I'm the loser" — but ask, "How is The Marriage scoring? Is this conversation going to strengthen or weaken The Marriage? If I press for the advantage here — even if I'm sure I'm right — will it make this a stronger Union or will it dent it or drive it off course?" And always listen for God's voice in the concerns — and criticisms — of your wife.
  8. Heed Your Wife: My counsel: listen to your wife's counsel. She loves you and wants to see you grow and will probably offer some great advice through the years. Be wise to listen and get past the "hurt" in order to see what she is pointing out that you are most likely blind towards. In doing so, you will be amazed at how much you will grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. And make sure you read His Needs, Her Needs by Harley.
  9. Keep Hedges: Put up hedges in your home so that your home is a haven from the rampant immorality found on television, the Internet and movies.  Not saying ban those things, but a good filter on both the Internet and TV and strong movie standards will protect from impurities that have wrecked many a marriage. Hedges are also a good idea in relationships with others.  By putting your relationship with your spouse second only to your relationship with God, you might have to offend someone once in a while.  But no earthly relationship matters more.
  10. No Jokes at the Spouse's Expense:Think twice (even three times) when you go to criticize your spouse. Sometimes what we perceive as "I meant it as a joke." is miscommunicated. Treat your spouse's family with respect–even when your spouse is angry with them, treat them respectfully.
  11. Three Closing Gems: (1) Pray TOGETHER.  I love the intimate times when my husband and I pray together to our Savior.  Praying for each other, praying for our kids, family, friends together—well there is just something special about it. (2) Talk favorably about one another.  Too many times, I hear friends of mine "jokingly" put their husbands down about something.  It's easy to do; especially if you are frustrated about something they did/didn't do.  But, in the end it is hurtful and not funny to all.  (3) Massages–give them often.
  12. A Word from You? What marriage advice would you add to the list? Do you have any of these guidelines in your home? Contribute something to this discussion by October 28, 2011 and you will be entered to win a copy of The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. We are giving 3 copies away and you could be one of the recipients!
Here's to the great gift of marriage and the God who gives great gifts!
Kyle

 

Remembering Kortney

Posted on October 12, 2011 by Apologia

We are post-poning our conclusion to our series on marriage to honor the life of someone very dear to the Apologia family. 

It is with deep sadness that we let you know that our dear friend and director of the Apologia Academy, Larry Blythe, has lost his 28-year-old daughter Kortney when she was killed in a car accident Saturday night. She was pregnant with a daughter, Sophy, who also lost her life. Kortney was married to Ben Gordon in a beautiful renaissance wedding earlier this year. She served in pro-life ministries for many years and was driving three team members from a Georgia pro-life event when the accident happened around 8pm. The driver of the other car was also killed and the three team members are reported to be in stable condition at the moment.

The following is a eulogy written by one of her friends in the Apologia family.

 

 

 
A Friend's Eulogy
Many people will say of Kortney that here is an example of unwasted life. Hers was defined by convictions, ones which led her into hostile environments. She was yelled at (sometimes imprisoned) in defending the preborn; rarely have we been so proud of a friend who was thrown in jail. Her passion (and smile) was so contagious and convincing that you had to listen to what she said – and what she said was often so wonderful that you're glad you did. It's hard to put a number on such things, but it is safe to say – it is certain to say – that children were born instead of aborted because of her.

 

 
A few years back, I met someone who went to college with her. This girl, a barista in Starbucks, talked about how her own unsteady faith needed Kortney's in college, how she saw Kortney as "having something she didn't" in the way she lived and what she believed. She said that more than a few conversations about Christianity with Kortney were the reason that she became a dedicated Christian. 
 
Kortney's was a fresh perspective on hair color. It was always whimsical, always enjoyable, and I was always glad to see it. Now that I write this, I remember her socks and how they were often as bright as Skittles. For some reason, the occasional appearance of her funny socks give a glimpse of her playfulness. You knew a free smile and ready laugh were reliable from Kortney; like the rising of the sun – like it's setting. Despite the seriousness of her ministry and the opposition it faces, she would still radiate fun & lightheartedness consistently. How very Blythe of her.
 
There will be a few of us who will be able to talk about what sort of daughter she was: how she was a daughter that could be trusted, how she rarely left a good conversation about God and ministry – even as a little girl, how she loved others so very hard, and how, at some point, she became the daughter you wanted to be like. 
 
It's hard, really, to think about Kortney without being challenged to enjoy life and to have your convictions shine through like halogens. She's a person you can count as a privilege to know and lament hard about missing. Kortney's exactly the sort of person, too, you can expect to see joyously greeting you when you go Home; wrapped in glory like an angel; as humble as she ever was.
_________
 
On Frank Turek's radio program, Kortney's husband, father, and uncle celebrate her life and tireless work for the unborn.
 
To read about the Life and Ministry of Kortney, please click here. To contribute to her memorial fund, click here.
 
Please continue to be in prayer for our dear friend Larry and his family as they grieve the loss of Kortney. He is surrounded by friends and loved ones, but the sorrow is deep.

 

 

 

 

 

What Marriage Advice Would C.S. Lewis Give You?

Posted on October 7, 2011 by Apologia

C.S. Lewis identified 4 stages that could apply to many things in life–including love. 

 Kyle McManamy, Director of Apologia Live and Brand Manager for Apologia, imagined a conversation with C.S. Lewis about these 4 stages and how they relate to love and marriage.

And the conversation went something like this . . .

Kyle's article is part of our focus on marriage and family. Join us for all of the posts in this series by clicking here to see the schedule.